Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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