I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Randomize
