god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
