I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
