Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
