Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
