I wanna passion pit in your ass
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
