I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
