apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
