i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
