I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
