Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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