i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
