So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
