I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
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