I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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