It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
