You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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