Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
