She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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