Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
