Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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