I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
