I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
