he shaved USA in his pubs
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Mom said you looked used
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
