The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
