you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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