The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
