is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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