Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
