He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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