yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
