You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
