All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Terrible idea I love it
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
