I looked at my own cervix.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
