I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
