Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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