I just saw a hot homeless man
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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