I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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