I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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