2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
