why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
