I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
