well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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