My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
