remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize