My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
