I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
