It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
