I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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