Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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