To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I puked a lego.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize