Yo dont text me then not text me
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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