I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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