Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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