Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
