You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
