Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
