Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
