So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
then he tried to convert me to islam
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
