hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
