oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
