I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
