The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
