I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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