She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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