We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
