At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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