Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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