so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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