Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
