I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
