i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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