You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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