She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
