U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
