well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
