he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
