There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
